This is a fact of life. Parents are our first and last teachers. Though children often outlive their parents, often the full realization of the lessons parents teach doesn’t come until a parent passes away. Even through adolescence when peers trump parents as the most respected source of learning, its the words and actions at home that either hold youth or drop as they cross the threshold into adulthood.

The book by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, You Are Your Child’s First Teacher was one of the only parenting books I read when raising my now fifteen-year-old daughter. That, and Operating Instructions by Annie Lamott. One message, two ends of a spectrum; Rahima’s soft, rainbow silk Waldorf perspective and Annie’s raw, real, witty, gritty and very colorful outlook – children learn their first, most deeply laid lessons, from the adults in their home. And the blessing and the curse are this; our children have exactly the parents they were meant to have who will teach them exactly the lessons they were meant to learn. This commonly held belief, is a salve on the weary hearts of parents everywhere who show up in myriad forms to the best of their ability, to do the toughest job on earth.

So what is the most important lesson we want to teach children? Be nice? Work hard? Maybe its to be yourself. Annie Lamott writes, in a Oprah Magazine article, Becoming the Person You Were Meant to Be: Where to Start, ”We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be.”  This could be the most valuable example we set in our role as teachers.

Whether you believe kindness comes from nature or nurture, reinforcing the importance of being kind to other people, animals and the planet is an important lesson  for many parents and educators.

The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation  inspires people to practice kindness and to “pass it on” to others. The organization provides free educational and community ideas, guidance and many other resources to kindness participants through its website

The workshop featured in this video is part of the (RAK) Education Pilot Program, teaching kids:

• The language of kindness.
• How to recognize areas where kindness can make a difference.
• How to put their ideas into action.

What would the world be like if every school offered such a program as part of their curriculum?

In Traverse City, Michigan, feeding another person’s meter is both a common act of kindness and a crime that can get you a misdemeanor charge and a $100 fine. Traverse City is not alone. It is, in fact, illegal in most US cities.

In a recent report that appears on UpNorthLive.com, Traverse City Parking Administrator Dave Malewitz insists the local ordinance helps prevent people from abusing city meter time limits and promotes traffic turn-over.

“It’s a very nice citizen gesture to help out other citizens and giving them extra time, but we go back to the ordinance…where the person parking there is legally responsible and they paid for the time…if that person by chance gets a ticket, it is their responsibility not another person putting money in,” said Malewitz.

Reacting to the report, reader Kristen Hains responded: “How exactly is this enforced/policed? If you’re caught putting money in any meter, do you have to produce your driver’s license and proof of registration to prove that you are feeding your own meter? Does this happen that often that this is an issue that has to be addressed? I find that kind of hard to believe.”

Well, call me a rebel, but when I see a car just about to have its windshield wiper decorated with a $60 parking ticket and I have a quarter in my pocket, it goes in the meter. This is one law I always feel great breaking.

Girl on girl bullying is a real problem and rampant throughout the country’s middle and high schools.  Its no wonder the movie Mean Girls became an instant cult classic among girls of all ages. Mean Girls was based on the New York Times Best Seller Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, a novel that exposed the hidden and insidious world of girl on girl violence.

Finding Kind is a 2010 documentary that is quickly gaining accolades and attention for its potential impact on the world of girl on girl bullying. In it, filmmakers Lauren Parsekian and Molly Thompson set out on a cross-country journey to discover the universal truths about growing up female and use these experiences to find common ground where kindness and mutual respect can grow.

As the parent of a teenage girl, I have witnessed the confusion many girls experience trying to bridge their innate desire to be kind and their primal need to belong, sometimes by any means necessary.

Author Rachel Simmons, author of the New York Times Best Sellers Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, writes, “I often joke that if girls had to rank their life needs in order of importance, the list would go something like this: friends, air, water, food, phone, computer. Truth is, I’m only half kidding. Relationships are at the core of girls’ psychological health.”

The sad reality is that kindness does not top the list of the most important qualities desired in a friend. Appearance and popularity are valued much more than being nice. Wiseman writes, “Your daughter’s friendships with other girls are a double-edged sword—they’re key to surviving adolescence, yet they can be the biggest threat to her survival as well. The friendships with the girls in her clique are a template for many relationships she’ll have as an adult.”

Fortunately, a movement to promote kindness, compassion and mutual respect is growing and building momentum, and Finding Kind can be used as a tool for educators and parents to teach these valuable lessons. The documentary is particularly useful because it looks at girls of all ages through adulthood. By exposing the truth behind why girls and women are mean to one another, the film cracks open the heart of the issues, while opening the hearts of its audience.

Rachel Scott was the first victim in the Columbine High School shooting spree. In her journal, she had written, “I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same.” By reflecting on Rachel’s essays and journals, her family learned of Rachel’s wish for people to be kinder to one another.

On May 21, 2011, students at the Laredo Independent School District (LISD) began taking part in Rachel’s Challenge, a program that encourages daily acts of kindness. These acts are written down on separate pieces of paper and linked together to form a chain.

The year-long program yielded 176,751 links, enough to go around the track two-and-a-half times. In total, LISD student body had gone out of their way to be nice, kind and compassionate an average of 655 times a day throughout the school year. Schools in 48 states now participate in Rachel’s Challenge.

Thankfully, after centuries of accepting the problem as a normal part of growing up, schools, parents, the media, and students are taking action to end bullying. LISD leaders say Rachel’s Challenge was a catalyst for change. Dr. A. Marcus Nelson, Superintendent of LISD points out that incident of bullying, fights and all other discipline issues decreased during the Challenge. “We have a responsibility today to bring out the best in our students, and to perpetuate that for future generations of students,” said Nelson.

Conducting research for this post has inspired me to call my daughter’s high school and insist they accept Rachel’s Challenge or a similar program. Teenagers get a bad rap, but I have found that their capacity for empathy and kindness is greatly underestimated.

You don’t have to be a teenager to participate in Rachel’s Challenge. You can start a kindness chain right here and now.  You can track the chain reaction you start as it goes local, national and even global. What a beautiful legacy to kind soul.

Researchers have found that most individuals find people with kind, smiling facial expressions more attractive than the same individuals with solemn, unfriendly expressions. This makes sense. But beauty, contrary to the old saying, isn’t merely skin deep. People we find attractive at first can become very unattractive if they turn out to be mean-spirited or unkind. By the same token, kind people become more attractive to us when we see them in action.

The word “sensual” is defined as “relating to the gratification of the senses.” Unkind behavior is based in fear, like the fear of not being able to get you need or want. Fear paralyzes the senses, diminishing our ability to see, hear and feel. And when you are unable to feel, compassion is lost, and you can no longer connect with others.

In contrast, when you are thinking of the other person and fully present in the moment, you are much more sensuous. It is during this time you can experience greater harmonic levels of earthly pleasures, romance and intimacy. There is even a greater connection. Kindness ignites the same pleasure hormones that are ignited when you make passionate love.

By sharing moments of loving kindness, no matter how long or short, you can release you fear and sense a subtle new beauty in yourself and in others. It’s amazing how a kind touch can change everything.
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