Are You My Mother?

Remember that book about the baby chick that embarks on a journey to find its mother? In the book, the chick asks a dog, a cat, a cow and many others, “Are you my mother?”

I have been that chick. I severed my relationship with my mother when I was 17. For many years, I made many of the women in my life my ‘surrogate’ mothers and projected every unresolved mommy issue I carried onto those poor souls. That’s a lot of baggage to dump on someone, but somehow most of them put up with me, helped me realize that they were not my mama bird, and loved me through my struggles.

Long after I became a mother myself, I realized that I wasn’t really searching for my mother. I was searching for my ideal mother—the one I wanted and expected, but never got. Through the process of motherless mothering and a perennial search for a person that existed only in my unrealistic, unmet expectations, I traded in my militant self-pity for feelings of compassion, forgiveness, comfort, warmth and love.

In recent years, I have reconnected with my mother, who I now not only accept, but appreciate. I am very grateful to the proverbial dog, cat, cow and others who set me straight and led me on a path back to my own mama bird.

Each relationship that forms between a mother and child is unique and special in its own way. What is the relationship like between you and your mother?


6 thoughts on “Are You My Mother?

  1. I have also looked for my mom in many other women and have thought of this book often. My mother left when I was 4 but remained in my life for 1 or 2 weekends and 1 month in the summer – so technically I had a mother. When I had children I realized what being a ‘mother’ really meant. After years of self-therapy, understanding, boundaries, (especially boundaries) she is in my life but she is not my true mother. I missed that but luckily I had a great dad and I now have a wonderful husband and three daughters. How did God know I needed an extra dose of female energy? : )

    • Hi Janna,

      Forgive me for not responding sooner. I am so happy you liked my post. I see you have a blog too. I will go check it out and comment back. Mothering is such a tricky and challenging job. There seems no road map because each of us have our own unique path. Having the opportunity to write about it is such a blessing. We get our mothering in so many forms. I hope to hear from you again. Have a blessed day.


    • Oh Thanks for that comment! We all need many mama’s. One just doesn’t always fill the need. Thanks God you are there for those of us who need that mothering. Thanks for commenting. I see you have a blog too. I will come check it out and send some good kindness back your way:)


    • Thanks. I am glad you liked the post and VERY grateful you took time to comment. It’s so nice to know people are out there listening and caring.


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